Chapter One: Attack of the Cobroids

In our first chapter, the heroes of the wasteland are living a happy life in a methane production facility attached to a giant landfill. Unfortunately, though the compound has survived many attacks from mundanely armed human raiders, when it compound is attacked by a small army of cobra mutants who are driving motorized unicycles with monster truck wheels in solar-panel topped canopies, the settlement's defenses are outmatched. The cobroids are shooting plasma weapons and are led by a huge robot or cyborg that hovers behind them.

Sister Killbeard, the leader/mayor and founder of the settlement, orders the settlers to abandon the compound just as the walls are breached and she is killed. First out the escape door in the back is a souped-up hearse containing amont others the cyborg Forsythe Willowby armed with a dirty bomb with a dead man's trigger, standing up out of the sunroof. With two more vehicles behind him he yells at everyone in the hearse to get out as he attracts the attention of the three cobroids waiting for them in the barbed wire out back. The cobroids shoot off his arm and open his belly with their weapons and Willowby falls unconscious, triggering the bomb. The cobroids and all the heroes within a 50' radius are horribly killed except for a mutated pangolin, mutated boar (named Skagg), and another cyborg Calamity Chang, who are just horribly burned with broken bones.


Chapter Two: The Perfect Storm of Crazy

The survivors of the bomb are picked up by the heroes in the short bus behind them. In that bus was Killbeard's right hand woman, Octavia. Once the caravan gets out of sight of the compound they stop and compare notes. Octavia says Killbeard wants them to go back to Citytown via the railroad tracks up north. They take stock and continue driving through the wasteland. into the night.

That night there is a terrific radiation sandstorm and the two vehicles pull up alongside one another and prepare for the storm. Something starts to affect the pangolin who decides she wants to get out of the bus. She opens the door but is pulled back by the others who subdue her. They also hear that the other vehicle starts up and drives off into the storm. Unable to follow the short bus passengers wait it out. Skagg the mutant boar finally succumbs to his injuries from the bomb and from the radiation storm and perishes in the night.

At dawn, the survivors enjoy some radiation-rich pork and fix the bus so that it's mobile again. They run out of gas before noon but they see a motel on the horizon. Boonton, the super-strong cyborg, pushes the bus towards the motel as the pangolin steers, but our mutated tick Skitters and another cyborg Sterling walk ahead to the motel. They see it's dangerously dilapidated, but that doesn't stop the tick from crawling all around it and injuring himself. Meanwhile Sterling investigates an odd mannequin-bot that's simply rocking itself back and forth in a rocking chair on the front porch. From a window on the second floor, the tick sees a stampede of some kind heading fast towards the motel. Sterling runs back to the bus as the herd of panicked sealopedes - long seals with dozens of flippers - take up a noisy residence on the porch, knocking over the mannequin bot and breaking its rocking chair.

The tick falls through the roof of the motel making a big cloud of dust and a cacophony, which spooks the sealopedes who jump off the porch and flail over one another on the sand. It's then that Sterling sees what they were running from, as a huge eyeless great white shark breaches the sand and kills one of the sealopedes, dragging it under. Another shark vibrates through the sand beneath Boonton but just clips him. He tries to grab it but only succeeds in flailing on top of the tail before it sinks back into the sand.

Sterling and the pangolin decide it's safer at the motel than in the short bus so they begin to run across the sand towards the sealopedes. They too are attacked by sand sharks but amazingly the shark's aim seems to be consistently off. The pangolin manages to sever some vertebrae in one of the sharks as it jumps by her. The sealopedes head off into the wasteland in a cohesive group and the shark attacks subside.

Chapter 2.5: The Cult of Cyborg

Arrrrgh the mutated human, Jellus the mutated crow and Randalberg the mutated raccoon-dog are with Octavia in a delivery truck. The radiation storm (noted above in chapter 2) makes Octavia go mad and she ends up getting severe radiation poisoning walking into the storm. The storm passes with Octavia unable to move.

Now separated from the short bus and all their friends, Arrrgh and company drive north towards the train tracks. They see a strange flying object tracking them as they drive through a landscape peppered with half-buried vehicles. The craft - a hovering jacuzzi-size car - is piloted by a strange man with one robotic eye wearing a blue robe. He introduces himself as Manfred and welcomes the mutants to what he calls "A-Kirk" and asks them to come see the "Provider." He urges the mutants to hurry as the area is patrolled by sand sharks. While they banter, Arrrgh senses one 'swimming' through the sand below. It causes their vehicle to start sinking in the sand and it tries to eat Arrrgh as he attempts to pull Octavia from the truck. They all jump into the hovercar and Manfred pilots them to a bunker not far away. More people in blue robes with "A.C.R.C." logos on them ("A-Kirk") take Octavia from the infirmary and take the rest to see The Provider. A robot informs them that The Provider decides that Arrrgh will become one of "The Children" (meaning he'll get a robot eye like all the other cultists) and that the mutant animals are to be taken "away." When the mutants resist there is a great struggle in which many cultists are mutilated and the robot crushes Randalberg's spine, paralyzing him from the waist down. When they finally destroy the robot and lock out the cultists, they manage to get access to The Provider - a big old computer, and hack in. This allows them to leave the Advanced Cybernetics Research Corporation bunker with supplies and two hovercars. But when they get back to their truck the AI regains control and auto-pilots the hovercars away.

The mutants drive off into the sunset, towards Scrant.

Chapter Three: The Traps of Roy G. Biv

Meanwhile…the winnebago warriors, which include Calamity Chang, a mutated kangaroo named Kang, a mutated cuttlefish and the cyborg Delores, who were separated from the short bus during the radiation storm, find a road and head north along it until they get to the train station. There are plenty of obviously marked graves around the outside perimeter, as well as a barrier of burnt out cars, some guard dogs, and signs that say "These premises protected by ULPS: Universal Laser Protection System." Delores drives the winnebago behind a nearby gas station and checks the pump, triggering an explosive trap that rips up his stomach. After Kang tends to his wounds, they try the direct approach and call out to the occupants of the station.

The station is populated by Roy G. Biv, an elderly one-eyed man, and Stumpy, a legless sand-shark victim with a speech impediment. The party barters for gas but when Roy finds out they were sent by Killbeard he invites them in for roast buzzard.

Roy tells them how Killbeard stole something from the nunnery and was on the lam, searching for the legendary metal-armed "Mutilator." Killbeard spent some time at the station and had sex with Roy, according to Roy. Roy tells the group if they want to reach the Nunnery-Dome they continue northwest towards Citytown. It's of note that recent news from passing scavengers is that the city is overrun by mutated rabbits known as 'hoops.' When asked where gasoline can be found, Roy tells them (rather crazily) about the steamtown station en route which is run by morglodytes - half morlock half troglodyte mutants who only come out at night. The group figures as long as they raid the station during the day they can get gas for the winnebago.

Roy offers them to stay the night and shortly after dusk they are joined by Team: Short Bus. At dawn they all trek out in the winnebago but the roads become less structurally sound and the gasoline runs out. The cuttlefish snags a tripwire which triggers a giant mutated trapdoor spider to spring out at him. The cuttlefish grapples with the arachnid before it has a chance to bite him and the pangolin eviscerates the creature with its claws of doom.

Chapter Four: Railroad to Mutilation

Pangolin, Calamity Chang the cyborg and Crawdaddy Jones the large mutant crayfish are heading east along the highway. They reach the rail line which leads straight to the morglodytes lair but all the steel rails and railway ties have been removed. They head north beside the line of rocks that was a rail road.

A few hours of travel finds an impromptu sculpture, made out of car parts and so forth. Outside the structure is the scene of gory death, with a blood trail leading into the building. Calamity Chang looks inside the structure to find the mostly eaten remains of a human, and the lair of four wasps the size of fat chihuahuas. Both Chang and Crawdaddy are stung and writhe around in pain, but Pangolin kills the wasps handily. They search the human remains and the entire structure and find some goodies including dog food and coffee. They break for lunch (Pangolin eats 3 wasps) and then continue trekking north.

A gulch joins the former rail line and up ahead the heroes see some strange globular structures and movement. As they approach they are being stalked by three dust raptors which sprint towards them as soon as Calamity Chang fires a .32 pistol on the alpha raptor. They are sleek and reptilian wolf-things with tough hides and nasty teeth. Crawdaddy is MUTILATED in the chest by one of them and passes out from shock, but Chang drives them off and even kills the alpha as they flee.

Crawdaddy recovers thanks to Chang’s healing hand and they investigate the globular structures which turn out to be giant fungal puff balls filled with spores. The ground here is softer in the gulch and there is even a pool of stagnant, radioactive water under a ramshackle bridge. As they explore the area they hear a shot ring out in the distance.

A family caravan with a death bot is shooting at the fleeing dust raptors. They arrive at the gully bridge and trade with the heroes once Crawdaddy Jones settles down, explaining that they’re from the Ruins of Scrant. They tell the heroes more about the morglodytes and that there is even a morglodyte that speaks English what fixed up the deathbot for them. This social morglodyte name Karyn used to go into the old radio station and play records on frequency 109.9fm, but they haven’t heard anything for months. Walter, the clan leader, also tells them that morglodytes go on night raids usually with at least 2 vehicles in a group, looking for humans to enslave and eat, and gasoline to fuel their cars. Morglodyte activity has been more frequent and longer-reaching and that is why they are fleeing Scrant. The Morglodytes seem to be pulling up all the rail track and ties to re-lay them so they can scavenge further afield.

They trade a gun and a knife for coffee, toilet paper and hand soap, and wish the mutants and cyborg well, telling them to make sure they check the burned out camper further up the line for the cache of junk left behind.

Chapter Five: Morglodyte Motel

Delores, Crawdaddy Jones, Calamity Chang, Gretchen the mutated fossa, and Scout the mutated jackrabbit find the next depot on the torn-up morglodyte railway. It's a burned out trailer and a mass grave. Crawdaddy digs up the grave to find several mostly-eaten human bodies that have been exposed to the elements for some time before being recently buried (presumably by Walter's clan). They find some junk and move on to the next depot…a partially collapsed motel. They spend the night on the roof and Gretchen falls asleep during her watch. They are awakened by the sound of a dune buggy and dirt bike patroling the area. When the patrol nears the motel the heroes sneak into action and draw the attention of the drivers - MORGLODYTES!

The morglodytes shoot a tethered harpoon at Delores but hit the motel instead, and the fossa tries to repel down the tether to the dune buggy but falls off. Crawdaddy panics and scuttles into the motel, while Calamity Chang, Delores and Scout engage the morglodytes with laser and guns. The morglodyte on the dirt bike sets the motel on fire with a molitov cocktail. The driver of the dune buggy is shot up and clawed, unable to start the dune buggy after it stalls. Eventually the morglodytes are all killed and the heroes make off with their vehicles and other sundries.

The heroes drive East for a few miles and hide out in the hilly zone until sun up. Then they drive into the Ruins of Scrant, where they survey the fortress of the morglodytes also known as Steamtown. They recollect at a strip mall and find some more junk, as well as a radio set to 109.9fm. The message is a repeating broadcast:

“This is a message to all humans, my name is uh, John the Protector. I will offer you protection from the morglodytes, every day when the sun is highest our group The Protectors will be at the radio station. It's the big brown building with the antenna on top. It's uh…five blocks west of the big red collapsed bridge over the dried river. If you don't know which way west is, the sun goes down in the west. The red bridge is at the north end of town. If you don't know which way north is, uh…its…ah fuck it.
We are forming an army and we're going to take back the steamtown museum and form a new utopia in scrant. So, come here, we'll be here every day, we'll be looking for you. We have fresh food and water and Rad-B-Gone. …That was pretty good.”

Chapter Six: Ambush at the Radio Station (Drej's Devil-Birds)

Circumnavigating Steamtown, the survivors of the wasteland try to find the radio station. They get distracted by a large manufacturing building infested with giant cockroaches but do not engage the mutant bugs.

They follow the dried up river bed and pass an apartment building, where Crawdaddy Jones senses someone inside. Gretchen the mutated fossa climbs up the wall and finds a young girl hidden in a closet. Her older brother (about 11 years) threatens Gretchen with a toy gun at which point Crawdaddy Jones enters the scene, to the shock and horror of the children. It takes a stellar diplomatic speech by Delores to allay the kids fears and by the end of it, they join the heroes. The children are Cholly and Cola, whose parents were taken by morglodytes years ago. They are a source of some information about the town, including the fact that Karyn the humanitarian morglodyte now lives near Bad Lake to the northeast end of town since some humans drove her out of the radio station some months back. Oh, and the kids were suffering from radiation poisoning but that was mitigated by the donation of some Rad-B-Gone anti-radiation serum.

The kids help the heroes find the radio station. Crawdaddy Jones senses that there are people all around the area, so they proceed with caution. The fossa is the first to approach the building but he does not sneak well and someone from a window on the second floor shouts out "No mutants! Get lost!" Gretchen explains they have children here that need help and the denizens of the radio station tell him to bring them out, at which point Delores comes out of hiding to speak to the strangers.


Three dudes dressed in jerseys that feature a mutant bird with some weird club (see picture) pop out from the rubble around the building and point their guns at the heroes. The guy upstairs yells "fools! You will make excellent slaves for the morglodytes" and tells them to drop their weapons and surrender. Of course the heroes don't know the meaning of the word, and a firefight ensues.

Sadly, the sniper upstairs shoots Scout's jaw off and then shoots her dead. Crawdaddy, naturally, panics and scuttles off for about half a minute before he regains his composure. One of the slavers gets his arm shot off and another one releases Grunto, some kind of feral man-boy, who charges Gretchen. Fortunately Grunto is cut down from several different angles before he can lay his claws on anyone. The slavers offer to end the combat if the wastelanders simply leave, but Gretchen et al are committed to finishing it!

The heroes set the building on fire with Molotov cocktails but are unable to intercept the bad guys fleeing down the fire escape at the back of the building. Once the enemies have fled the survivors pick through the fallen's belongings, finding a rifle and an uzi.

Chapter Seven: Bad Lake (Karyn & the Raticorns)

Arrrgh, Octavia, the large crow and the crippled raccoon-dog, having driven as far as their gas would take them, eventually stroll into Scrant and meet up with the other group. Shortly thereafter they encounter a little guy riding a large cyborg: Harley Davidson and Zucker of "800GOTJUNK." Much barter happens and Harley provides more information on Karyn and the town.

After rendezvousing with Harley at around dusk just East of Bad Lake, Harley rents out his inflatable boat so the heroes can paddle out to Karyn's island sanctuary. Arrrgh, Delores and Calamity Chang land on the island and survey the sports track and the university building. Arrrgh sees a figure on the third floor of the building and they head up, calling out to Karyn and pleading for help. She ignores them and walks away (Arrrgh detects with his 'life sense' mutation). Finally they catch up and suddenly they can hear her in their heads. She is a telepath! She says:
“I am an outcast. Exiled from my people because I am one of only 2 morglodytes with the skill to communicate by thought. The other is the queen. I spent these past years with my only friend, Boots, rebuilding the radio station to bring the gift of music to the city of Scrant. That dream was destroyed by the ones called Drej's Devil-Birds, and Boots was killed. Since then I came here to get away from human and morglodyite alike."

With their tale of rescuing Cholly and Cola (the kids) and fighting Drej's Devil-Birds, Karyn decides to help get them into the Morglodyte warren. They decide to go tonight and Karyn leads them to a gulch with a small natural cavern leading under the town. With few light sources and cramped quarters, they are attacked by raticorns, rodents of unusual size with fungal horns protruding from their heads. The raticorns seem to be guarding and tending to giant mushrooms inside a large cavern. There the raticorns swarm the heroes, ramming them with their horns that stick to their victims and detach from the raticorn's head, like a sticky package of yuck. Those raticorns that don't have spore-horns defend the mushrooms with their giant incisors. Calamity Chang has his femur shattered by one particularly strong bite. Finally all the raticorns are dispatched and some healing takes place. Arrrgh finds a dead body and loots it.

Chapter Eight: Beneath Steamtown

The heroes crawl into a pipe filled with noxious fumes that leads into the sewers beneath Scrant. While swimming across a flooded junction they are attacked by a scum monster that drags Crawdaddy Jones under the water. Luckily, Jones has gills and manages to struggle out of the monsters grasp. The heroes whittle it down with gunfire and whatnot until Arrrgh dives into the scummy water and right through the main mass of the thing, killing it.

They finally reach the edge of the morglodyte domain, which is guarded by an automated laser. Delores and Calamity Chang coordinate to make it explode, and then the group burns through the lock on a drainage gate to get underneath Steamtown. On the other side of the gate is a refuse pit filled with insects of some kind that they skirt around.

The first morglodytes encounter is two guards and a nursery. Delores skates in with a grenade but trips on the lip of the doorway and the plan to threaten the morglodytes with violence leads to actual violence. Calamity Chang is tasered while Delores and a machete-wielding morglodyte have a Mexican standoff. Karyn steps in to make the morglodytes surrender (not a tough call after both of them are mutilated) and they get shut into the nursery with the door welded behind them.

The heroes make short work of a morglodyte doctor in a nearby infirmary, tying it up and gagging it, before moving on to the slave pens, where they here strange calls of "help us" and "fuck you."Inside, the guard is dispatched by Delores with the newfound taser, but the guard has a pet mutated parrot the size of an elephant (the source of the strange calls) which mutilates Arrrgh before being killed by the rest of the party. Karyn and Chang release the human prisoners but they are all weak and injured. Delores has a row with Karyn about the rest of the humans being out on the railroad and not available to rescue, which Karyn dismisses.

Suddenly two more morglodytes storm the room, but Delores hears them coming and everyone's on alert. When the first one steps through the door, Delores and Arrrgh bring him down, but the second one up the stairs lets loose with a flame thrower on Arrrgh, setting him on fire. Undaunted, the mutant charges and gores the morglodyte to death.

At this point, finally, during a tactical discussion, the group decides to open up the briefcase that Sister Killbeard has charged them with. Inside they find a cybernetic arm covered in religious symbols, an 'ancient relic of great power' from the Nunnery-Dome, that apparently Killbeard had absconded with in hoping to find The Mutilator.

Chapter Nine: The Morglodyte Queen

Being warned of a couple of traps ahead by Karyn, the heroes enter the guard barracks en route to the lair of the morglodyte queen. They take down the three guards and begin to try to gain access to the hallway leading to the queen. Gretchen sees a blinking light at a corner of the hall and advances towards it. It turns out to be an automated sentry gun and he gets shot at, but [some player] with excellent aim takes it out with their weapon of choice.
While ransacking the bodies of the fallen, [a PC I don't remember] finds one of them playing possum [and probably gets stabbed or something].

The heroes use their acetylene torch to cut through a barred doorway leading into the hallway, to find two morglodytes manning the Active Denial System (pain ray). Delores makes an attempt to destroy the machine with a grenade but it does not all go to plan. While the heroes are in the hall way, the morglodytes turn on the acidic, radioactive spray from the overhead sprinklers, but finally the heroes cut down the morglodytes and turn off or destroy the traps.

Finally they enter into the lair of the morglodyte queen and find a great tank with barrel pointed towards them, but it seems to be inoperative as they use a pincer movement on the queen. The queen uses her psionic powers to cripple several party members, but eventually they get past the last guards and injure the queen. Finally ready to parley, Delores makes an ultimatum: relinquish control of the morglodytes to Karyn, release the human slaves, and provide supplies to the party that they may continue their trek to CityTown.

I forget what happens then.

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